Oregon Trail and a Smartphone

Whew! What a summer! It seems to be flying by; and I've been keeping busy making bee soaps galore, for weddings and baby showers all over the country; which makes me feel really *fancy*; who knew a year ago; when I found the bee mold at the thrift shop; on the clearance rack; marked down to a dollar, that it would facilitate my business! Serendipity indeed!

I'd been so busy all summer; that last week; when I had a lull in my business, and all packages shipped, and nothing pressing; I jumped on the opportunity to take my boys on a little day trip. Now up to now; I'd never driven too far from home; I had a terrible fear of the interstate; and would use surface streets whenever possible. But driving from Las Vegas to Barstow in the middle of the night on our way to San Diego gave me much more confidence in my driving abilities; and I wanted to take my boys somewhere far(ish) away; all by myself. So we set out in the morning with a picnic lunch; and my new smartphone proved it's mettle; as I was able to respond to a customer who contacted me on etsy; and got another wedding favor order while out! We arrived just in time for a gold panning demonstration, in a water trough that was seeded with real gold; although the park ranger reminded us that if we DID find gold; we would not be able to keep it!

I gave it a try myself; it's surprisingly tiring; the heavy pan of sand and water has to be swirled around and around, and then filled back up with water as it becomes dry. All my boys gave up fairly quickly and started playing with the water instead; except Bentley; who was determined to find the gold and stuck it out the longest. After his arms got tired, we went back inside to look at all the exhibits; which are very moving.

I've always wanted a sunbonnet, ever since I was a little girl who was obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder; and at the gift shop they had a huge selection of authentic sunbonnets; in fun fabrics; and I just had to have one! I actually loved it so much I wore it the rest of the day, to the embarrassment of my children, and the amusement of the employees of the restaurant we stopped at in Baker City! But, it's one of those things that I HAD to do, on my bucket list!

I'm determined to squeeze every last drop out of summer; because when school starts again my schedule is going to be nearly impossible; so I've been neglecting my little blog! I have kept up with the blogs I follow, though; and I loved this recipe from the first blog I ever followed,  The Vintage Wife and I plan to make it tonight, with a few variations. If it turns out; I'll be posting my "new" recipe later in the week!

Happy Wednesday!

Follow Your Bliss

Hello readers! I can't believe how much I've been neglecting my poor blog of late; I've been so busy with summertime activities and custom orders for weddings; I hardly know what to think!

Anyway, I recently had an interesting exchange with a group of my online friends; and wanted to share some of my thoughts and realizations from this discussion. It began as a show of encouragement and support for a person who was feeling bad about herself; when faced with trouble with her schooling; she was in her early 20's and had yet to receive her degree; having a year or so of college yet to complete. She was feeling "less than", compared to her siblings; who are all enrolled in a prestigious college; and who felt that they were superior to her because of this.

Now friends, this is where I come in....rightly or wrongly; this has been a hot-button issue for me since I was college age. I've been on my own since I was 17, when I had my first little apartment and a full-time job. I made $9 a hour back then, which was pretty darn good for a 17 year old in those days. Since I was on my own; college was not really an option; and honestly, I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to do with my life. I've always known exactly what I wanted; to do what I'm doing now. Later, when I moved to San Diego, I considered going to community college; even requesting my transcripts from the correspondence school where I got my diploma. However, life had other plans! All throughout my time as a SAHM, family members and others have asked about my education plans; encouraging me to attain a degree so that I would have "something to fall back on". There's nothing wrong with with being cautious; and I know of some people that have had tragedy befall them and really needed that degree to support their family. I don't discount that view; but I also don't believe in making decisions based in fear; and for me; I would just be going through the motions; as I have no plans on a career that would require a degree. Taking time away from my family to do something I don't want to do; just because I "should", is not my idea of a good plan. I also know of many women in my situation that feel foolish expressing that they're a SAHM. For them, their view of themselves is shaped by their educational status, and in some areas, and in some social groups, it's simply unacceptable to be "just" a Mom; and so they feel pressured to be pursuing a degree in order than when their children start school, they will presumably be able to start a lucrative career. I have a confession to make: when my children go to school; I will not go "back to work". In fact; I can't imagine EVER being an employee of another person again in my lifetime. At this point; even if tragedy were to befall me; as has happened to those I've heard of; I would still be able to raise my children while being at home. That is very important to me; and we've set up our life to allow that to happen. I can imagine my soap business growing over the years; and when my children are in school, and when I become an empty Nester, I will pursue that at my leisure; along with my many hobbies and interests. I don't feel defined by a career; my career is being a mom; and it will always be so. I know that is not a popular or modern attitude; I'm okay with bucking the trends; even though it may pain feminists and career woman to hear another woman say that out loud.

It seems to be one of the final frontiers of acceptable bias to conclude that pursuing a college degree is "the" way to go; and those that choose not to are foolish. I've heard before that a college degree is "the price of admission" to certain things. It's certainly true that it's the only way to attain certain career goals; I'm not denying that; but the premise that simply attending college makes one privy to the finer things in life; is simply wrong.


Prejudice is an ugly word, because of the modern connotation; but I'd like to examine the actual definition of prejudice:

"Prejudice means a strong inclination of the mind or a preconceived opinion about something or someone".

It's certainly true that everyone has biases that are ingrained in them; it's human nature to believe that the way one has done things; the way one chooses to live one's life is "better". Certainly if someone believes that there is a better way; most people would proceed differently. But what I'm talking about is the accepted premise that the higher one's educational level reaches; the better. 



I have no quibble with knowledge; and learning; my "beef" is with those that insist that sitting in a classroom for four years is more likely to result in a happy life than simply proceeding directly to the life path of one's choice; and that those who do not do so are bound to feel unsatisfied  with their lot in life. One argument I've heard is that people often regret NOT going to college; but seldom (if ever) regret going. Something similar could be said about having children; few people express the opinion that they regret having children; and many DO regret not having children. Does that mean, though, that everyone MUST have children; despite having no interest in having children; just to avoid regret down the road? That opinion would not go over well with the childless; however the non-college educated are expected to swallow the same argument. 


There's no denying however, that it's easier to become employed when one has a college degree; and that those with higher education are more likely to remain employed; it's true as well that those with college degrees make more money; and if that is important to you; certainly; college is the way to go. But education has no bearing on "following your bliss" something that I think is the MOST important consideration in any life. Would I be in the life I'm in now; if I had followed the common mold of graduation followed immediately by college? Certainly not. There are many, I'm sure; who would not consider my life to be ideal; fortunately, I'm not one of them! I wish for everyone; that it was more acceptable to take the road less traveled if necessary; in order to follow THEIR bliss; regardless of the opinions of others. If your dream in life is to be in a prestigious college; and positively PAPER the wall with degrees; that's wonderful; and I cheer you on! However, for those are doing things because they're "supposed to", because of family expectations; I think that's sad. Everyone does things daily they'd rather not do; and many jobs supply things besides fulfillment; and that's one thing. But to pour your heart and soul into something you're not passionate about is a waste of a life. A job can be many things; a means to and end, certainly; but my hope for all is that they are able to pursue something that doesn't feel like work; that is enjoyable and fulfilling, all on it's own. I'm not advocating moving into the wilderness and becoming a mountain man (or woman); and I believe education is very important, and critical for brain development especially in children. I'm a very well-read person; who tries to soak up information; I simply maintain that there are many ways to gain knowledge.


For myself; I don't find my life to be wasted because I will very likely never achieve a fabulous career; when I'm old and grey I would hope I can look back on my life and say, at the very least, "I did it my way". 


I hope I haven't alienated my learned readers (if I have any....who knows whether the well-heeled would really want to read all my ramblings); I hope I've outlined a balanced approach both pro and con a traditional education. And it is my hope that everyone could be more accepting of those that are different than them; that is the reason for my post today, that we can all begin to see the value in lifestyles different than ours. 

I'm off to a day trip tomorrow with my boys; which I will blog about when I return; hopefully after a great adventure! 

Happy Thursday! 

Summertime....and the Livin' is Easy.......

The picture is one I found of downtown Boise; I love our downtown, it always reminds me of Main Street in Disneyland; it's clean and relatively safe; great for strolling around looking at shops or just enjoying the great weather. I had a rare opportunity to do that yesterday; after I dropped off my boys at the zoo with my mom; I found a nail salon and treated myself to a great spa pedi; which is a completely frivolous treat, that I don't get very often. Then, since I had my car safely, and non-parallel parked in a garage; I walked around for a while downtown; strolling the fabulous weather; all by myself. It felt odd not to be holding hands and attempting to keep children from running into the street; and while I wished that James had the same opportunity for "me" time; I truly enjoyed. it.
 
I've been so enjoying having my boys home from school! I didn't realize how much time was being taken up with school drop-off and pickup; It was almost 2 hours a day! Now; when I am working late at night, I don't have to worry about being up; dressed, makeuped and out the door with 5 boys by 8:45; I can wake up with my boys and have a relaxing morning. Often we don't get dressed until 10 am; or later. Even now; at 8:40; I'm sitting here at my computer with my giant cup of coffee; and my boys; still in jammies, are playing or watching TV.

Another thing that has helped on the soap front; is that James purchased two sets of industrial shelving units and spent Sunday cleaning and rearranging the garage. Before; my supplies were spread out between the living room, the kitchen, and the garage for my non-child safe equipment; lye, and oils; and empty bottles and jars; and it was really hard to find anything. Now I even have a little workbench that allows me to measure and weigh my oils and ingredients; without having to lug 35 pound bottles of oil into the house; along with all my equipment. I still need my kitchen for my CPOP soap; but I can actually make my hot process soap on my workbench, since I have an electrical outlet for my crockpot. Here's how it looks:

 It's been really nice to finally have a separate spot; I can only store my finished soaps out there for part of the year; I don't want them to either freeze or melt; but right now the temperature is perfect, so it's really like having an extension of my too-tiny house; and has freed me up a lot. James has even noticed that the house is looking nicer when he comes home; because I have more time and also more space.

I'm looking forward to the next few months as being a bit of a breather for me; although I'm still staying busy with my etsy shop and my in-person sales; having my boys at home has really changed my focus; and  now I'm not so consumed by my business. I hope that something that I can keep up even when school starts again.

I hope you are all having a great, sunshiny summer!

Stand in the Sunshine of Possibility

This week we had our first fifth grade promotion; it seems such a huge milestone; my Andrew is moving from Elementary School to the big, bad Middle School in the fall; I can't believe it! It seems like yesterday he was entering Kindergarten; actually it was almost six years ago; in 2005. The first day of school I was so sad that he was so grown up! I was also about 7 months pregnant with Callan; and only had a two-year-old Bentley to keep me company! What a simple time it seems when I look back at it! Funny how I remember feeling busy and overwhelmed; it seems that mothers handle what they need to handle, no matter what; as I've had more children and become even more busy; I seem to have absorbed all the extra work; when you'd think I'd have no time or energy left!

Andrew's teacher this year was a great one; who challenged him a lot; he was a 30 year veteran of teaching; who decided halfway through the year that this would be his last year of teaching; so the last day of school had special significance for him and for the children. After handing out "diplomas" to his class; he gave a short speech; where he talked about watching Oprah's last show; which I confess I missed. He said she talked about the "Sunshine of Possibility"; about how important it is to live the life you would live if there were no practical considerations or barriers to it. He said that he felt that that was what he had done; teaching children for all these years; and it got me thinking about the sunshine of my possibility.

When I stop to think about how I would live my life if there were no practical barriers; no consideration for what I think I can't do; I imagine it being very much like my life actually is. Sure; perhaps in my dream life; there would be a bigger house; perhaps I would never need to worry about money; but the basics are the same. I would still be a mother; with the number of children I have now; having had them the way I did; and staying home with them just as I have been for the last 11 years. I think that I would be doing much the same things in my spare time as well; soapmaking; sewing, reading when I got the chance. I would still cook dinner every night; still have movie afternoons and breakfast picnics. I would probably still be too busy; too tired, and get cranky at times. I would still have babies all over my lap; embarrass my big boys and constantly yell, with no results; especially; "Get your shoes on and get in the car, we're late!".

I would probably still cry at every first day of school and last day; and never know what to make for dinner. I'd still cloth diaper and consign; and buy used DVD's and cheap paperbacks. I'd probably have a nicer espresso machine; and hopefully someone to do the laundry; but I'd still decorate and clean my own house; just not the kitchen! Maybe I'd have a better bod....but probably not; because I'd hate to waste any more of my life worrying about that! .Maybe I'd get a tummy tuck, but then again; I wouldn't because I don't believe in risking my life for vanity.  I guess I'd still be me; and it's interesting to explore the things that wouldn't change, no matter what my circumstances. It's good sometimes to 'Stand in the Sunshine of Possibility", it's a good life check; to make sure your life is on the right track. I'm pleasantly surprised that despite not having ideal circumstances much of the time; I still managed to blunder my way into the possibility I would choose even if life were perfect!

What's your sunshine of possibility; and how have you achieved; or not achieved it?

Why I Read Frivolous Novels and Love Twlight.....

Love this sign! Find it here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/blueyedgirl

It occurred to me that most of my blog posts have been pretty upbeat and on the surface; and I'd like to try my hand at delving a little deeper into the machinations of my mind....(my husband's running away as we speak!).


I've never made a secret about my love of the Twilight Saga; mostly in an exaggerated joking way; but I'd like to explain that a little; as well as describe my strategy for staying positive and energized while I do what most people would agree is the hardest job you'll ever love; being a mom.

I became a mom at the age of 19; after being married for 11 months. We lived in a very nice two bedroom apartment; but money was a struggle. James had gotten laid off from his job five days after our wedding; a very simple wedding that we paid for ourselves; leaving me as the breadwinner of the family. It's funny, because I remember our early marriage being kind of a magical, sweet time; but James remembers being constantly stressed; which I think is a funny difference in perspective! Thankfully, James found a great job when I was six months pregnant; one that had full medical benefits; and so I gave my notice at my job weeks before Andrew was born. After we had Andrew; James also picked up a job delivering pizza four nights a week; in addition to working 5 days a week at his full-time job and commuting two hours a day; so Andrew and I were home a lot on our own! We also only had one car; so I was in our apartment just with baby all the time; we often wouldn't leave the house until the weekend, when we'd rush around getting groceries and running errands; before James' second job in the evening. I found the hardest thing for me about being a mom was the loneliness; although funnily enough, now that I look back on that time; that one-on-one interaction and peace seems nothing less than heaven! I was very isolated, but I didn't really mind; I'd always dreamed of being a mom; having a house and a baby and a husband to take care of; and it seemed like the fulfillment of a dream; although it was more difficult that I had imagined. I discovered how important it was to maintain whatever bit of autonomy I could, even in a situation where I was basically dependent on James for everything. 

Over the course of the years of being a stay at home mom; I've always tried to treat myself to little things that gave me a bit of a diversion, because the days at home with no adult conversation can be long; and tedious; and can strain your psyche in ways I could not have anticipated. I suppose I could be reading great, uplifting works of literature; but honestly; when I have a few stolen minutes to pick up a book, I don't want to be reading "Anna Karenina"; no matter how brilliant Tolstoy was; I want a peppy little pick me up that sticks to simple themes; love and happily ever after.

I got started on Twilight last summer; after a very difficult pregnancy with baby Elvis; not so much physically; although it was the most trying pregnancy physically that I've ever had. I was strained to the limit emotionally after Elvis was born, and have a history of Postpartum Depression; which I was trying everything imaginable to avoid. I became a little afraid of nighttime, fearing that the depression would return, so I started renting and watching movies while nursing Elvis in bed in the evenings. On a lark one day, I rented the first Twilight movie and surprised myself by really finding it fun and entertaining. So I picked up the books, used, at a bookstore; and picked them up whenever I had a spare minute. I was riveted! It was a sweet love story; and for some reason I found myself relating to the story; which sounds silly, I know; but I found myself reading while I couldn't sleep, in between feedings; and whenever I could. I'm a fast reader, and devoured all four books in a short amount of time. I honestly feel that having that diversion helped my postpartum blues stay manageable; and kept me from delving into a true depression; as I had after Dorian was born.

Since I've started my own business; I've developed quite a penchant for picking up paperbacks while I grocery shop; something which would have been unthinkable even a year ago; our budget simply could not have managed it. Making a little of my own money has allowed me freedom to do things like that; things that probably most people take for granted; but I must tell you; when I choose a silly little paperback, it seems positively decadent! I now have very little time to read, but I do pick up paperbacks when I have time. I'm a very, very fast reader, and can go back and forth between stories with no problem; so I often rotate books in the middle; starting and stopping often. It's rare for me to find a story I truly get enveloped in; the way I am with Twilight; or my other favorite; Outlander; but I still enjoy the little bright spot in my day that I get from reading a few chapters of silly, frivolous, with-no-literary-value pieces of fiction; and I hope I never get to the point where I can't enjoy a fun little novel! 

So that's my story.. and I'm stickin' to it!

This week will be very busy for me; and very, very bittersweet; since the last day of school and the last day of Andrew being in Elementary school is tomorrow. I'm going to be scaling back the amount of work I put into my etsy shop; concentrating more on my in-person prospects and summer with my boys, above all. And the weather is supposed to start behaving; at long last!

Summer is here!

Hello Blogging, My Old Friend.....

I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of catching-upness lately; and I have felt too frazzled to compose a logical and entertaining blog post! I'm so surprised I even have followers left; and have gained a few...welcome!

So many things I'm juggling right now; I took the plunge and obtained my own booth space for my Farmers' Market; and had my first day on my own on Saturday. It wasn't the greatest day I've ever had; but I think it was because I had moved locations; and was exceedingly unprepared with no tent in the blazing sun! I have lots of lofty plans for my booth; I want to create a station with running water in a sink so my customers can try my soaps and scrubs; but the logistics are proving to be complicated, to say the least! I was so lucky that the Market Manager was extremely receptive to my crazy ideas; and is planning to try to get me near a water spigot; which would be exciting!

I also had my first experience selling in Downtown Boise, which around here; is the biggest show in town! I had an opportunity to do so with Idaho Indie Works, who has a store in Downtown Boise; and offered spaces for vendors during First Thursday; which is a seasonal, monthly street fair and event. I felt so "fancy" being downtown with all the hustle and bustle, and got to introduce my products to a whole new crowd of people, it was great! I had a lot of fun with my "neighbors", including a fabulous fine artist; some lovely jewelry makers; and a glass artist; among others. I acquired a set of gorgeous art glass-topped hairpins and a tie dye onesie through trading; and love them!

Goodness...it's uncharacteristic of me to wax poetic about my business; I guess it's just because it's what's on my mind; although there's a lot going on in my "real" life as well. My boys will be home for the summer starting Thursday; and I was getting very misty while doing my weekly grocery shopping; because I was buying things with a view to summer lunches and picnics; I really do love the summer; but each time summer comes; it's bittersweet; because it means another year has passed; and my boys are yet another year older. Ahhh, how sad and sweet it can be to be a parent!

Elvis just turned 11 months; I can't believe we've had him for nearly a year! On the other hand; my pregnancy seems like a long-distant memory; and I look back at that time with a tinge of sadness; because it seems like such a simpler time; although I didn't think so then!

 

This somewhat blurry video shows my adorable Elvis; he just learned to "snap" his fingers and was doing it up a storm...until the camera came out! It's still a great video and he snaps for half a second; don't blink or you'll miss it! 

Oh...I suppose I should explain my picture.....no, I'm not pregnant; and have no immediate plans to become pregnant; but I love vintage maternity fashion; and have always wanted to own a vintage maternity pattern. I found a great one from my friend Maggie at Vintage Core Patterns and couldn't resist! I may make them up just for fun...or for possible future use...or to sell, who knows! All I know is that I love this style of Maternity wear; and if I ever decide to take the plunge again; this is what I'll be sporting! 

Have a great, Summer-y week! 

 

You had me at Merlot......

I am so sorry that I've been neglecting my blog of late! I've been suffering from both acute business and a bit of writers' block. I've felt that I've had nothing really to add lately; almost every night I open my blogger dashboard...and nothing! But; I've decided to just start writing and see what happens! The sign above is an item I found while looking for things for a tongue in cheek treasury I made on Etsy. I was looking for a Merlot theme; because I've been on a bit of a wine kick (not drinking). I've decided to make some Merlot soap; for my street fair that's happening next week; and then I decided to make some Merlot sugar scrub....why not bathe in wine?

This week my mother went to San Diego; for the beach wedding she had planned; although the real wedding happened at the end of last month; in her backyard. So I finally have "real" pictures of the dress I made her!

The happy couple on the beach in San Diego

Doesn't she look great? I'm so glad I was able to do this for her; and that she got the beach wedding she dreamed of.

I'm exploring other opportunities for my business; which is exciting; while continuing to be tired; overwhelmed, and busy! That's pretty much par for the course for me now; but I'm adapting; and hopefully getting better at it.

See; I took a small break to collect my thoughts; responded to a bunch of e-mails and got and order and placed an order. Never a dull moment! I'm really hoping I can stick to a schedule and become more efficient with my time. I suppose that all mothers, especially with lots of children feel overwhelmed and run down; but I can't help but think I should be able to handle it all by now!

Another long break....this time; to eat a late dinner; design a few labels; and complain about my aching joints....I see now why it's been so hard for me to blog lately!

I'm hoping for no rain tomorrow; but my joints say otherwise!

Have a good weekend!

Cinder Blocks are a Girl's Best Friend.....

I usually don't blab on about my business....or I try not to; but I have to share with you the experience I had going solo (with my bestie) at the Farmers' Market on Saturday!

The weather this spring has been bad. Simply terrible; but I was very excited because it was supposed to be nice and warm on Saturday. Warm.....and windy! I woke up to a few droplets of rain on my drive to the market...no biggie; it looked like it was breaking up; and the forecast was still for warm weather.

We arrived; and foolishly and bumblingly put up the tent; with a tremendous amount of help from our neighbors at the Market; in fact; it was like the blind leading the blind until he stepped in! We set up my display; which I have to say; looked paltry compared to the full booth I normally enjoy with the other ladies' work! And off we went. We were having a great time; giggling and chatting....my friend taking frequent and speedy shopping excursions...that girl can shop! When......

THE WIND started. Not just any wind; the first gust I was painfully aware of lifted the tent and blew it sideways about a foot; until I reflexively reached up to grab the center support and bring it down to earth! This tent was weighted in the usual way; but it was like those weights did not exist when the wind caught hold! As I frantically tried to avoid an unfortunate kite-flying accident; and thought of Mary Poppins; our lovely neighbor came to the rescue again; retying the weights in better locations; and providing us with a rope; to tie to the center support. We hung on to that rope for dear life; at one point, I somehow managed to cash out a customer one handed while holding the tent earth-bound with another!

I kept watching the other vendors; the second any one of them took down their tent; ours was going to be next! But although many were holding onto their tents; like me; I didn't see a single person give up....naturally; I was not going to be the fraidy-cat! I don't think I breathed at all until the market was over and the tent safely stowed in the case! Again with the help of our neighbor; who I paid in lotion!

Despite all the wind; my friend and I; who have known each other almost a long as we can remember; had a really good time; met some interesting and fabulous people; and just generally had a fun girls' time!

But I am looking forward to having the ladies back next Saturday!

I'm looking forward to a busy Thursday; and probably will have a link from my blog post I wrote as a guest on another etsian's blog!

Have a great one!

Ain't She Sweet......Now I ask you very confidentially; ain't she nice.....

My "best comment" award from Stephanie Evers' blog!

 

 

Friday already? Where does the time go? I have been meaning to update my blog for a few days; but Blogger has had continual problems; every time I thought of sitting down to blog; it seems like!

I was very pleased a few days ago to find out that I had received the "best comment" award from a fellow blogger Stephanie Evers; who liked my embarrassing comment about why I read frivolous novels and not grand literature.....ah, well; I knew that would bring good things to me in some fashion!

I was also very honored to have my soap featured on the blog of a great customer and fellow etsian Jean May Originals......Awww; it's great to have such great blogging friends!

Whew.....more blogging news! I wrote a guest post for my Idaho Etsy Team Blog; all about the experience selling at the Farmers' Market.

In other news; I have to tell you, blog friends; I'm really struggling. Struggling to keep up with all the things I'm doing right now; I rush around all day long and feel like I have very little to show for it. I know that feeling is common to stay-at-home-moms, regardless of whether they are working from home as well; and I guess it should be no surprise that adding working from home into the mix would cause some adjustment. I have a tendency to take on things; thinking that I can handle it all; I have trouble admitting that I'm only one person and there's only so many things one can do in a 24 hour period; sleep notwithstanding. James keeps reminding me that any undertaking like this is going to have some hiccups; setbacks; and growing pains....but I just wish growing pains weren't so.....painful!

Sometimes I just can't see my way through this; on the one hand I'm really enjoying myself and doing something that I know will pay off in the long run....on the other hand; I'm tired; cranky; and some days feel like going back to bed (or to bed) and pulling the covers over my head. I keep thinking of the illustration of a wife in the Bible, that talks about her not eating "the bread of laziness" and actually talks about her managing and owning property. I would imagine the ideal wife would be a lot less anxious about her tasks than I am; and most likely would not be printing off Paypal shipping labels at 3 am; but the principle holds.

I keep thinking to myself "I'm no quitter, I'm no quitter"; and I know someday I'll look back on this and I'll be glad I persevered. At least, I sure hope so!


This is so funny; while I was writing this, I took a Facebook quiz; which I kinda think are true.....here are the results: 

People Are Drawn to Your Energy

You have a real zest for life. You approach each day with optimism.
You believe it's important to keep going no matter what. You're always ready to tackle a new challenge.

You naturally boost the energy levels of those around you. You have a lot of enthusiasm and stamina.
You know how to get people moving in the right direction. You are a natural coach.

Well this is good to know! I hope I can live up to my Facebook quiz!

I have another busy weekend ahead; the weather is supposed to be great; I hope you all have a great one as well!

Happy Friday!

Every time I say the word 'Diet', I wash my mouth out with chocolate

What a week! I'm finding my groove with my Saturday morning market; my last Saturday I felt much more comfortable, and enjoyed it much more; I didn't feel as much like a fish out of water, and had a lot of fun! I ran out of change because I wasn't prepared on that front; but that's a good problem to have, and I hope to run out of change every week; and running out of soap is a goal to reach for!

Speaking of reaching for goals; I've been finally putting my money where my mouth is, so to speak; about achieving balance with my work and home life. I've decided that life's too short to stay up until 3 and 4 am, and I've decided to take several evenings off per week, and just kick back and relax in the evening with my husband. It was so nice this last week to watch a movie with James; a few times, we ate dessert and drank wine and fell asleep at a very reasonable hour for a change! I'm happy to say that I've gotten 8 hours of sleep more than once lately, and it felt great!

I've also finally made it back to the gym, which was something I've been neglecting lately. I have a very difficult relationship with exercise, I place a high priority on being healthy and energetic, and I feel that it's my responsibility as a mother to stay as healthy and vibrant as possible. However, my relationship with food and diet is complicated. As a teenager, I suffered from what could best be described as a little past extreme dieting, verging on anorexia. For several years; I knew the calorie count of every food known to man, and limited myself often to under 500 calories a day. When I was first out on my own, at 17, this escalated to not eating for days at a time; even while I was walking several miles a day. I remember feeling faint often, and the feeling of gnawing hunger was something I relied upon to know that I was being "good". I remember the day I made the decision to start living again; and promising myself;  Scarlett O'Hara style, that I would "never be hungry again!". I vowed to allow my body to develop in the way that I never allowed it to during my adolescence and I knew that that would mean weight gain; and that my predilection for extreme dieting would mean that I could not allow myself to start down that road, ever, ever again. I knew I could not dabble in different diets, the way most women do, or even "sensibly" limit my food choices or calorie intake. For me, even a day or two of limiting my food choices or thinking about my calorie intake turns swiftly into an obsession; one that could threaten the life I've built; so I have staunchly avoided any dieting tactics. Having my children has meant a huge change for my body; and I struggle, mostly successfully, to embrace that change. This is more difficult for me during times of stress; and I have sometimes faltered in my resolve. I realized last week, when I had been too busy and stressed to eat, that hunger is like a drug to me, it made me feel powerful and in charge. I don't crave that "fix" anymore, but I'm still succeptable to falling into that trap; so I have to be extremely careful when I exercise; that I'm doing it for the "right" reasons; for my health and vitality, and not as a substitute for the dieting that I used to use as an addiction. Whenever I feel like I must go to the gym, I know that I can't go to the gym until I get back the proper perspective. This addiction will always be with me, although I have improved so much even in the last five years; but I am still ever vigilant. I have learned not to put so much emphasis on my looks, and as a person who derived a great deal of my self-esteem from my looks; that has been a hard adjustment. I know that I have value now, without my looks entering into the equation at all; I created five people, after all, and that is something that makes me feel good about my body for a change; looking at the "battle scars" from having my children, I always remember how lucky I am to have had the experience of being a mother, and I would be willing to pay any price for that!

I'm looking forward to my newfound lease on balance; and enjoying my sleep and relaxation time tremendously, and finding that I'm actually able to be quite productive and relax! I'm looking forward to a busy and productive week, and thrilled that a large supply order will be coming in tomorrow!

Happy Monday!