Going Big and Going Home

 

Seven years ago this month, a stay-at-home mom of five pressed "submit" on her first Etsy listing. I look back on my then nearly ten years of being what I affectionately referred to as a "housewife" almost as if it were a dream. I was great at it. Really, really, great. My house was orderly and tastefully decorated. My children were in coordinated clothes. I myself never left the house without full makeup and often wore clothes I made myself. Oh, how I loved it. Baking a pie in the afternoon while listening to AM radio. Scrubbing the kitchen floor with a scrub brush and a bucket of soapy water. I was a relic.

And then I went through the looking glass. A twisting, winding path that would lead me to the picture above. On the floor of Nasdaq as confetti rained down. Yes, I was nearly 7 months pregnant at the time and my lower back was killing me, but I had traveled to NYC. I rode the subway! I visited Etsy HQ and sold my soap in Times Square. And if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere (as the saying goes).

But did I make it? I'm still not sure.

This year I closed my shop. It was a painful decision. I had more than 30,000 sales on Etsy by that time. I should be proud, I worked really hard at it for a long time. For a brief shining moment, it was my dream and I imagined myself turning it into an empire. And then it turned into something else. By the end, it stung.

The beginning of the end started just a few months after that moment on the Nasdaq floor. That July, had given birth to my sixth child but something wasn't right with me. I was suffering from postpartum depression that caused crippling anxiety. I could hardly bear to open my emails in the morning. I started to avoid them, going longer and longer before responding to customers. I had handed over the day-to-day operations to my husband and teenage son while I recovered. But when I had imagined going back to handling everything, I found that I wasn't ready. So my husband (who worked full-time) was burning the midnight oil every night making products while I ordered supplies and printed labels and answered emails and our son shipped orders. Things started to slip through the cracks. I remember clearly sitting on my bed with my laptop open to convos, holding the baby, with tears streaming down my face because I was dreading opening my messages. I started to get complaints about the slow response time and the slower shipping time. They were legitimate complaints but I felt powerless to address them. My mental state was not good and I simply couldn't handle being back at work yet. But I felt obligated to stay open because by this time, I had taken out loans for operating expenses and these loans required me to be open, making daily sales. At this point, I was also responsible for making a good portion of our family income. With a new baby and new expenses, I couldn't do anything else but keep plodding along.

Then one day, I opened my shop and realized I had lost my five star rating. I was devastated. It was then that I realized something had to change. I ended up going on vacation mode in order to catch up and started to do that whenever I felt the need. During the times that I was closed to catch my breath, I noticed that I felt happier, freer. I knew that my focus had changed and that my business was no longer bringing me joy. And wasn't that the point in the first place? To make our lives better?

By the beginning of 2016, the seed was planted in my head that my shop had an expiration date. In August 2016, I started college at Northwest Nazarene University as a 36 year old freshmen. It was time to move on to my next stage. I also found out I was pregnant with my seventh child, my only daughter. I felt like the universe was telling me I was making the right choice. But I knew I had to keep my business going until I could wrap it up in an organized fashion and after I had paid off all my loans. I also wanted to get to 30,000 sales just because. After my daughter was born, I had learned my lesson about overextending myself and I took a lengthy maternity leave. No more returning convos from my hospital bed as I had in 2015.

I closed my shop for good in October, after making my final payment to the bank that loaned me operating capital. It was over. For the first time in seven years, I was able to decorate my house for Christmas, set up my Christmas village, bake cookies and watch movies with my kids. As sad as I was (and am) about the end of PuurBody it was 100% the right decision. I am so grateful for every customer that believed in me and took a chance on my business when it was so new. I feel guilty sometimes that I was not able to "go big" but instead chose to "go home" but I know in my heart it was the right step.

I am not sure what I will do about my product formulas, which were all painstakingly developed by me and were hard for me to even share with my husband when he started learning to make products. I have received many emails from former customers who want to order my natural deodorant. I thought of just giving them the formula but I don't feel ready to give up my "babies" and am not sure what I will do with my proprietary information in the future. Sometimes I'm tempted just to whip up a batch of deodorant and gift it to those who have asked but I feel that would start me down the road to another business and I really don't want to go there! I definitely have the entrepreneurial spirit and often think of ideas for other business ventures and have to mentally slap myself to prevent me from doing them.

Now I am a stay-at-home-mom again and a Sophomore in college, pursuing my Master's degree. Life is good. I have come home.

I used to be a Top Etsy Seller, but I'm not anymore. And why I'm Okay with that (Usually)

They Are Not Long - Ernest Dowson

They are not long, the weeping and the laughter,

Love and desire and hate;

I think they have no portion in us after

We pass the gate.

They are not long, the days of wine and roses,

Out of a misty dream

Our path emerges for a while, then closes

Within a dream.

I came back to my little old blog because this is where it all began. That picture on my blog? It was taken almost exactly 6 years ago, right after I opened my silly little Etsy shop with zero expectations. I feel like I've lived 100 lifetimes since then and become someone I don't even remember becoming.

So allow me to sit on my rocking chair, children, while I tell you a story. How my silly little hobby became a business that at one time provided half my family income. How I went from 0 sales to nearly 30,000 on Etsy and how I ultimately, failed.

Six years ago I was a stay-at-home mom with five children and I was just trying to navigate the economic times, which for us were...bad. My days were spent figuring out how to make it all work. I baked, I sewed, I took care of children. I loved it. But I thought I could help stretch the budget a bit by making soap. Then I thought I could sell a few bars here and there for some extra cash. Oh, poor, sweet, naive 2010 me!

Well, anyway, it ended up exploding more than I could have imagined. On April 16, 2015, I found myself standing on the selling floor at Nasdaq, along with other Etsy sellers, ringing handmade bells as Etsy.com went public. At six months pregnant, I traveled to New York and walked down Broadway. I sold my products at a booth in Times Square. It was amazing and memorable.  In the last 6 years, my business has kept food on the table during the worst of the Great Recession. At one time, it paid for a bi-weekly cleaning service and a part-time employee. I bought my children clothes and books and shoes and gadgets. We went to Disneyland twice. And then I had my son, Felix. From the first night in the hospital, I suffered from extreme PPA which meant I couldn't sleep and sat on my bed crying while worrying over my Etsy reviews, which were suffering. I simply couldn't keep up anymore and my husband and son were taking over most tasks. After I got over the worst of my depression, which took at least 6 months, I no longer had the desire to outsell everybody. All I wanted was...peace.

Yet, how could I continue contributing to my family in the way we had become used to? So I soldiered on. I stopped being able to create new fragrances and products, so I just kept making the same old things. I lost my competitive edge. I didn't keep up with changes, I didn't keep my product line fresh. I phoned it in for a good year. And it showed! This past summer, I found out I was pregnant with my seventh child, a girl after six boys. A child that will likely be my last child ever. I do not want a repeat of July 2015. I need to find joy in my life again and move on to the next step. I don't have the energy to compete with other shops, I'm not good at innovating right now. Basically, I suck. I'm no Estee Lauder. And that's okay.

This fall, I enrolled in Northwest Nazarene University in order to ultimately get my Master's Degree. I have plans for the future again! I'm a full-time student at 36, pregnant with my seventh child! I have a son that will be going off to college himself in 2018. It is a busy and exciting time. I have cried a lot of tears at the prospect of my Etsy shop becoming a footnote in my life, or maybe a sidebar. It certainly will not be the focus of my day-to-day activities as is has for so long. I will still continue making products but likely I will cut my product line down by at least half.

It has been a grieving process realizing that I need to do this, it feels like somebody died. I've cried a lot of tears over this.  But I hope, in time, it will just be a happy memory of what I did from 2010-2016, and I won't feel the embarrassment that I currently feel at having not "made it big" or "created an empire" or whatever if was that I was so hell-bent on doing for so long. I've learned so much in the last six years. Mostly, that where I am truly happy and fulfilled is right here, planning my weekly grocery shopping or baking bread. It was quite a ride, and now that this era is coming to an end, I'm both sad and grateful.

Thank you to everyone that helped me make it happen.

I will be back!

'Twas Brillig. My Fight with Postpartum Anxiety (PPA)

"...Beware the Jabberwok, my son 

the jaws that bite, the claws that catch"

On July 6th, I drove to the hospital to be induced. I was expecting my sixth child. A much wanted, beloved baby boy. I was nervous about the induction but with my history of precipitous labor, it seemed like the best choice, particularly since I was GBS positive and wanted to have time to receive my antibiotics. However, although I was 39 weeks +2, my cervix was very unfavorable, so I knew it would be a long haul. When we arrived at the hospital, my doula was there, and my awesome midwife started the induction. For the first 10 hours, nothing really happened. We walked the halls, ate breakfast and then lunch, napped. It was peaceful and relaxing. At dinnertime, still no change so we decided that we would start some pitocin. I sent my husband James home to be with our other children. My doula and I walked to the lobby and went up and down the stairs and did squats to try to get the baby lower. At 7pm, my water broke! It seemed things were finally happening. I called my husband and my midwife back to the hospital and labor began in earnest. I remember feeling so taken care of and loved throughout the entire experience, which ended up being a 24 hour marathon. At 8:02 AM, 24 hours after arriving at the hospital, Felix Heathrow was finally born. When I saw his face, it was like seeing the faces of all my other children. He was so beautiful, and so healthy. 

It was truly the happiest day of my life. As the mother of six, it seems to me that with each child, the love I feel for them is multiplied by the love I feel for my other children. So by the time Felix arrived, I had so much love, I felt that I could burst. After getting settled in my room, I sent James home again to be with our other children. I wanted to be alone with the baby. We spent a blissful day, him resting on my chest, me breathing him in. But that first night, things started to change. At midnight, a nurse came to get vitals on both of us. I had had an IV for the first 12 hours after his birth and was pretty uncomfortable and by then, had been awake for 36 hours. When she put Felix on the scale and announced his weight, I was horrified. It showed he had lost a pound in 12 hours! How could that be? It turned out to be a scale malfunction, but after that I was on high alert for problems with his weight and feeding. By 3AM, I still hadn't slept and called James and through tears, told him I needed him with me. The night seemed endless. Finally morning came and I was dying to be released from the hospital. I felt that if I could just get home, things would be better. 

"But I'm not sad!"

Postpartum depression can be a very isolating experience for mothers experiencing it, however, there is a lot more information out there than even a decade ago. Newly delivered mothers are often told to be on the lookout for sadness, excessive crying, feeling detached from their babies. I had none of that. I was downright blissful when I snuggled with my perfect little bundle of baby. The whole world receded and I cared about nothing else but caring for him. But I was terrified. Every night, as dusk settled, I became more and more agitated. Nighttime was a nightmare for me. When I slept, which wasn't often, I had terrifying dreams that left me exhausted. I felt like I existed in a horror movie that I couldn't shut off. When I cried, it was tears of terror. I developed an almost violent aversion to my business, the business I had worked so hard on for the past four years. The business I grew from a tiny seedling into an enterprise that provided my family with income. I literally couldn't stand to return emails, or even look at my inbox. I stopped answering my phone, shut off the ringer because every sound from my phone was like impending doom. 

The effort of withstanding the adrenaline in my system made me sick. Every morning I was dry heaving in the bathroom. I shoveled food that was served to me into my mouth without tasting it. I didn't care about my appearance anymore. Through nine months of my pregnancy, I wore winged liquid liner every day. When Felix was born I never touched my makeup bag and cared not. I hadn't been out of the house without makeup since I was 13 years old. Through 5 prior pregnancies and postpartums, I still put effort into how I looked, because it made me feel better. Now I showered and brushed my hair mechanically and didn't so much as look at my myself in the mirror for days on end. My business suffered. I closed my shop for a couple of weeks because I was in no shape to run it, but felt guilty about not having it open and reopened it, leaning on my husband and teenage son to do the bulk of work. I simply couldn't do it. The simplest tasks were overwhelming. I spent hours psyching myself up enough just to look at my orders. I didn't want to put the baby down long enough to make products, holding him even when he slept. 

And then he had his two week checkup. I was terrified he was losing weight and it turned out I was right. He wasn't nursing as well as he seemed to be and was still well below his birth weight. I truly believe that my anxiety was causing my milk supply to suffer as well. I was horrified, guilt ridden. I felt that I had let my baby down, that he was starving and I had not noticed. I visited two lactation consultants and got on a grueling regimen of round-the-clock pumping and nursing. And I knew that I had to treat my anxiety. I called my midwife and explained to her what was happening. As much as I didn't want to be on medication, I felt that it was the best chance of me being functional for my children. When I took my first pill, I cried. I was afraid of the side effects, afraid of it affecting the baby, afraid of everything. But I started to feel better, bit by bit. It wasn't a miraculous recovery, I'm afraid. Recovering from PPA or PPD often takes months. But things started to get better. 

Am I "cured", three months in? Not even a little. I am still more anxious than I would like. It is still hard for me to complete daily tasks, but I am trying. I took back over the reins to my poor beleaguered business that had suffered so much from my neglect. I have always been extremely ambitious but I had to give myself a huge break on this one. I had done the best I could and my business was in the ditch. It was going to take a lot of effort to pull it back out. Now I consider it a success when I answer my emails promptly, when I am productive in making products, when I am attentive to my children, when I make dinner and go to the grocery store. This isn't a story about supermom, I am far from that now. But I think this experience has made me a more compassionate person. I never understood the crushing weight of anxiety and how it makes completing simple tasks a huge victory. I never understood breastfeeding struggles and how much work it takes to get a baby gaining weight again after things weren't going well. I never understood people that didn't push themselves to achieve more and more, and I didn't know the simple joy in struggling so hard to be "normal" and succeeding, at long last. 

I didn't slay the Jabberwocky, he is sitting quite calmly in the corner as I go about my day, subdued. And I can live with that. 

Summertime....and the Livin' is Easy.......

The picture is one I found of downtown Boise; I love our downtown, it always reminds me of Main Street in Disneyland; it's clean and relatively safe; great for strolling around looking at shops or just enjoying the great weather. I had a rare opportunity to do that yesterday; after I dropped off my boys at the zoo with my mom; I found a nail salon and treated myself to a great spa pedi; which is a completely frivolous treat, that I don't get very often. Then, since I had my car safely, and non-parallel parked in a garage; I walked around for a while downtown; strolling the fabulous weather; all by myself. It felt odd not to be holding hands and attempting to keep children from running into the street; and while I wished that James had the same opportunity for "me" time; I truly enjoyed. it.
 
I've been so enjoying having my boys home from school! I didn't realize how much time was being taken up with school drop-off and pickup; It was almost 2 hours a day! Now; when I am working late at night, I don't have to worry about being up; dressed, makeuped and out the door with 5 boys by 8:45; I can wake up with my boys and have a relaxing morning. Often we don't get dressed until 10 am; or later. Even now; at 8:40; I'm sitting here at my computer with my giant cup of coffee; and my boys; still in jammies, are playing or watching TV.

Another thing that has helped on the soap front; is that James purchased two sets of industrial shelving units and spent Sunday cleaning and rearranging the garage. Before; my supplies were spread out between the living room, the kitchen, and the garage for my non-child safe equipment; lye, and oils; and empty bottles and jars; and it was really hard to find anything. Now I even have a little workbench that allows me to measure and weigh my oils and ingredients; without having to lug 35 pound bottles of oil into the house; along with all my equipment. I still need my kitchen for my CPOP soap; but I can actually make my hot process soap on my workbench, since I have an electrical outlet for my crockpot. Here's how it looks:

 It's been really nice to finally have a separate spot; I can only store my finished soaps out there for part of the year; I don't want them to either freeze or melt; but right now the temperature is perfect, so it's really like having an extension of my too-tiny house; and has freed me up a lot. James has even noticed that the house is looking nicer when he comes home; because I have more time and also more space.

I'm looking forward to the next few months as being a bit of a breather for me; although I'm still staying busy with my etsy shop and my in-person sales; having my boys at home has really changed my focus; and  now I'm not so consumed by my business. I hope that something that I can keep up even when school starts again.

I hope you are all having a great, sunshiny summer!

Guest post for my Idaho Team!

Just popping in to let you all know that I was honored to do a guest post for my Idaho team on etsy; I decided to write what I know, so it's all about being a mom who happens to have an etsy shop. Check it out! 
Keep Calm and Etsy On! by ME! I love my Idaho team, it's great to have so many local people that are so supportive, and I've had the opportunity to meet many of them and even purchase some things from a few.

Buy Idaho!

Blogging is a Girl's Best Friend

Thank you all so much for all your well-wishes during my vacation! I'm so happy to be back, we had quite a harrowing experience on the drive in, we ran into both a torrential downpour near Provo, Utah; which when combined with some road work delayed us a bit, and an actual blizzard, which threatened to derail the whole trip! I was driving from outside Salt Lake City, when the rain began to pour. Strangely, there was tons of traffic; couldn't figure out why, because it was 8 pm on a Saturday night! Finally, after white-knuckling the steering wheel for a few hours, the rain became so heavy I couldn't see which lane I was in! I pulled over and switched with James; thank goodness! Shortly thereafter, the rain turned into snow! Semi trucks were creeping along, and we saw lots of cars pulled over and even a huge accident. It was terrifying! We made it safe and sound; albeit with snow covering the bins of clothes on our luggage rack! I didn't get to sleep until 5 am, but James let me sleep late, so I'm reciprocating by letting him snooze for a bit right now.

I feel like I've gained a lot of perspective while I was gone. Although I love my etsy shop and plan to be successful, it's not the be-all and end-all of my life, nor even of my soap career. I think I spent too much time obsessing over it, and feeling like a failure when I didn't perform to my own expectations. I was surprised to find that when I was separated from my computer; what I missed the most was blogging, which I do strictly for my own pleasure; and I hope the enjoyment of others! I was able to do some soul-searching as well, and some of you wonderful followers may have sensed there's more to me than the proud mother and wife I am now. After a lot of considering and thinking, taking into account possible ethical and legal ramifications, I've decided to start another blog; anonymously; which tackles some tough subjects. It will be both darker and more inspirational that this blog, which I love and will continue to do. I felt the need to have it anonymous, in order to avoid either embarrassing or libeling people involved; I still have to consider how best to promote it without connecting it to this blog, or to me personally. Any ideas would be welcome!

I'm now on to working through my huge bins of dirty laundry, and grocery shopping, and I hope; making a nice dinner for my boys and men after so many days of restaurant food! I also lost a crucial part to my sewing machine in the days leading up to our trip, so I have to go about replacing it before I can begin on my new projects, of which I have many! Including, by the way, a wedding dress for my mother, who announced her upcoming marriage in May; and asked me to make her a wedding dress that is not too formal for the beach, and both stylish and age-appropriate. I found a wonderful champagne-colored silk/satin; which will look great with her complexion; and honestly; her figure is more youthful than mine! We even joked that I should pass on my size 4 wedding dress to her; since I have no doubt it would fit her!

Happy Sunday, I hope you all have had a great weekend!

Big Girls Don't Cry.....

I just realized today that we have exactly two weeks before we go on vacation. Where did the time go? And me with a half-finished swimsuit and not a wrap skirt to bless myself with! And my etsy shop is really picking up, which makes me worry about putting it on vacation mode; I'm still leaning towards "not"; just putting up a notice that says that shipping will be delayed until I return; which I think effectively dissuades a lot of people, but you can't have it all!

Up high on the list of the things I can't have right now, is the tan, toned body, I envisioned myself in on the beach...I considered getting a spray tan for about half a second; then decided to be true to my paleness. I'm not fooling anybody with the fake tan, and I actually like being an oddity in a sea of the perfectly tanned. Sure, I'd like to look great; but having an orange-y glow is not my idea of beauty. So I'll just go out with my fair skin, flashing like a beacon for the world to see! And the toned part it not necessarily happening; I've been rather neglectful of my gym membership lately, because I've been so, so, busy; and having five 9 and 10 pound babies is not conducive to a bikini bod! Cleansing breath! The only thing that matters, really; is having a great time with my family; I don't care if I look like a beached whale and everyone is blinded by the glare coming off my snow-white thunder thighs! I remember last time we visited San Diego; although I had lived there for three years and only been back in Idaho for three; I couldn't believe the contrast in the culture! Where in Idaho, I'm a fairly stylish and put-together person, I confess I felt like a country bumpkin! I remember my husband, a native San Diegan,  remarking while on the freeway with cars whizzing by us, "why is everyone in such a hurry?". Quite a culture shock, even for the initiated.

So, big girls don't cry, right?! I will not cry, no matter how many things I have left to do; my sleep deprivation, my dwindling soap stock, my white legs, or my Idaho style!

I'm going to wake up every morning, put on my new perfume and lipstick, and slog through my miles of housework and the ever-present laundry. I need to start putting less pressure on myself; no one except me expects me to have an immaculate house,  five children, and and etsy shop, but I do find it discouraging when I work so hard all day and seem to never make a dent. But, as my husband always says, my real job, my only job, is to take care of our boys, and any day that ends in them being happy, safe, and healthy is a success. 


On a much more fun note; I'm due for new summer shoes, and have been looking around for something to go with my vintage summer wear. I also have a wide foot, so finding something in a wide width is difficult; but here is what I found:

I think these are pretty, and since I'm accustomed to walking in higher wedges than these, I think these will be comfortable enough for at least one day at Disneyland. I love the white, I remember when white shoes were "in" and then most horribly out; so the white is fresh and eye-catching. I love to wear white shoes for some reason! I think I'll go and try these to make sure they're truly "wide", and then buy them!

Have a great Friday, everyone! 

The Bold and the Beautiful

Maybe I should have titled this post; Beauty and the Beast, because that's the kind of week I've had. I've had an absolutely fabulous week business-wise and have also met some great local etsians; I never thought when I started my silly soap-making plan that I would have actually succeeded at it; I really feel lucky and blessed. I've also gotten to know people I never would've had the opportunity to meet otherwise; I'm making friendships that I know will last a lifetime.

I think I'll address the "Beast" part, before I go back to the loveliness embodied in this picture. This week was a very rough week; family wise. Not my little brood at home, but extended family. I have a very large, opinionated family; and have sometimes felt like the outsider, because I'm one of the few...actually the only, one who believes in God and is religious. And for some other reasons, but that's the primary one. It doesn't bother me at all for someone to be an atheist, why would it? I often laugh when people are upset at someone for not doing something; like, "I am insane with anger because you didn't go to the movies!". I'm always painstakingly careful not to bring up God or religion, or the fact that we are not vegetarians, because I don't want to insult my family's lifestyle (or anyone's). I'm not one of those preachy types; and I'm sure people who know me even fairly well are kept guessing about the more controversial points of my life. But many of my family members openly disdain everything that makes me..me. I've dealt with my share of outrage about the number of children I choose to have, or us not celebrating holidays, or the fact that our house is too small or that I never went to college. Or the names of my children; yes; several family members made it very clear that they viewed my choice of names for my wonderful boys to be practically criminal. Their names are, by the way: Andrew, Bentley, Callan, Dorian, and Elvis. And they are beautiful, meaningful names! Ok, off my soapbox about that. I have somehow, despite my caution, managed to convey the impression that I have a problem with people who are vegetarians; I honestly cannot imagine how that happened. It was really hearbreaking for me to realize that no matter how hard I tried, I was never going to be acceptable to my extended family, and for my own well-being and sanity; it's necessary for me to disconnect from them. I've been through a lot with my siblings, we've come through some bad stuff together, but even with them, I seem to be constantly offending and offensive; and this while I'm putting a great deal of effort into not doing so. I've apologized, backtracked, soothed ruffled feathers....and finally snapped. I'm not proud of it, but I managed to be quite snarky and rude to many of them. So be it. We just don't bring out the best in each other, and that's why it's best to take a break from them. All of this has a point, it really does! So after dealing with all the yucky family stuff yesterday, I came home today to the most wonderful present. The perfume I had custom blended for me by Stacy at Mermaid Lane Perfume. It was like a soothing voice in a room full of shouting; when I opened the box, I actually cried. For a time when I was feeling very battered emotionally, the thought that someone put so much care and love into something for me was beyond words. She also included a very welcome extra

A wonderful bottle of her body/massage oil; with the most awesome scent; rose and lavender; my favorite! I had told her our anniversary was coming up, and this was her gift to us. So kind! I also just had to take a picture of the perfume bottle and it's lovely satin pouch; so beautiful! Such a precious little bottle, I feel like it contains my essence, who I am. I know I will treasure it for years to come. Being a mama with so many boys, I have very few things which are just mine and it is so very important to have that to hold onto, so that I don't become so immersed in them that I lose who I am.

So this week, I was bold, not so beautiful, and then beautiful again. I'm sorry for such a melancholy post; it's really not characteristic of me; perhaps the late hours and the family issues have taken their toll on me. But as they say it's hard to keep a good (bad?) woman down; I'm sure if I get a good night's sleep...if...if...if...I'll be back to my annoyingly energetic self!

Wednesday already! Have a great rest of the Wednesday; and a great Thursday!

Potion, Potion; Make me a Potion....

As much as I like to smell nice; I am not a perfume-wearer. My allergies hate perfume; and I always seem to get a headache when I wear it. That's part of why I love to make natural soap and lotion; it leaves a nice scent without being "perfumey". But the other day, I was dashing around as usual and decided to use a little sample of perfume I've had hanging around forever; it was a freebie when I placed an order at a place that I can't tell you about; because its a "secret". Well, my husband couldn't stop raving about how great I smelled! He has similar feelings about synthetic fragrances, and loves that I don't douse myself in scent; but something about that particular silly perfume he loved! Honestly, he complimented me so much it was getting ridiculous. So, I had an idea: there's a wonderful shop on my Bath and Body team on etsy, Mermaid Lane Perfume, who makes wonderful, natural, perfume; a woman on the team got some samples from her and loved them! I decided to find out what was in the "secret" perfume and try to get a custom blend. It turns out this perfume my husband loved is described as a "fruity floral" and has jasmine, bergamot, and a million other things in it, so I decided to have a sample made with similar notes. The owner of the shop gave me some wonderful info; telling me that the perfume my husband loved is 99% synthetic, so the blend she makes me will smell differently, but hopefully better! She will e-mail me a questionnaire about my preferences, then for a few dollars, she will mix up a sample for me, if I don't love it, she'll try again. I have to tell you, I'm not getting anything for promoting this shop; I just think it's so wonderful to have the talent to create custom scents, and I'm so excited to have my own scent that is natural! Of course, it is not an inexpensive prospect, but she says with care, your scent will last a long time. I know some feminist-types would cringe to hear that I want a perfume mainly to please my husband, but isn't that what we all want as wives? Getting compliments and having your husband think you're awesome is certainly not without benefit on my end; so I'm willing to save up to make an investment like this. My 12th anniversary is coming up, I think this will be my gift to my husband! (or his gift to me?). I should be able to save a few dollars each week from the grocery budget, or my etsy money, to buy a bottle of lovely, natural perfume. I so wish I had a talent like this, although I think I have a good "nose" for scents, and work with essential oils and botanicals in my craft; I know nothing about the complicated process of top notes, base notes, etc. It's so wonderful that what she does brings people joy! And also, I'm a little bit obsessed with mermaids, so I love her shop name!

I'm starting my day in a very tidy house; courtesy of my husband, who stayed up until the wee hours folding laundry and cleaning; after my late-night sewing took it's toll and I was dead to the world! Tomorrow, I will be spending the afternoon with my best friend; revisiting a drive-in restaurant that we used to go to as small children, followed by watching the new 'Alice in Wonderland' movie. Such fun! 

Happy Friday Everyone!

I Write with a Goose Quill Dipped in Venom

Isn't that a great line? It's from one of my favorite Film Noir movies; Laura. I watched it last night while working on my sewing since I just figured out how to watch movies from Netflix on my laptop. I know, people have been watching movies on their computer for centuries; but since I had no computer until last December, this is all new to me! I'm no movie expert, but I've been a fan of classic films since I was a little girl watching old movies with my mother. I'm like a kid in a candy store! So many movies I've never seen, or some of my favorites that are hard to track down. Since I have a laptop, it's easy to have it set up on my worktable, start one of the classics and get to work!

This was the view from my kitchen last night; I got to work resizing my vintage swimsuit pattern, a process I started the night before. Although when giving the resized pieces a second look last night, I realized that I had made them far, far, too big! It must have been because of the late hour, after taking a few measurements, I realized I made the swimsuit front several inches too big, the top picture shows the front piece, in a Junior size, and the white material is the pattern material, which is printed in one inch grids. You can see I had to add quite a bit, including adding length from top to bottom, for coverage and modesty. After I took this picture of the piece which I had just reduced in size, I still needed to remove a few more inches in width. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, trying desperately to achieve the correct size! The lower picture shows my workspace; the kitchen table, covered in sewing stuff; which is the worst part about sewing, at least for me; because I don't have a dedicated space, and have to carefully put away everything despite the late hour; otherwise my boys will have a field day in the morning! For some reason, my littler boys are fascinated by my sewing machine and equipment, and when I leave my sewing machine out, I always have to check it carefully; since they usually have changed all the settings!

A few weeks ago, a fellow etsian on my team did an interview with me about my shop; she published it today; check out her blog; By the Book Paper

It's a great Monday; since my boys are out of school for President's Day; I'm hoping to have a very laid-back day today; Happy Monday!

My Name is Brandi; and I'm addicted to patterns.....I'm also REALLY bad at math!

Ok, full disclosure; the post I made yesterday; about homemaking: I just realized now that 1951 was in fact; 60 years ago; not fifty....

Wow; no more late-night blogging for me!
*embarrassing*

Today I woke up, ready for action; and while checking my etsy shop; noticed that one of my favorite shops Vintage Treasure Huntn had added some new patterns; and there were a few I just could not pass up; even though I have lots of patterns, lots of fabric; and almost no time or energy left! The one above is the one I finally decided to purchase; after justifying the expense six ways to Sunday and vowing to make it worth it by not buying new clothes for the next decade, at least!

Fortunately, Vintage Treasure Huntn has very reasonably-priced patterns; very much in the grasp of a budget-minded mama like me! The fact that it is my size made it seem like Serendipity; I just couldn't say no! It is a "half-size" pattern, which means a petite, but it's very easy to alter that, and the fact that I'm only 5'5" makes it even better. I have some fabric that would be perfect for this, probably the pink linen that I posted a picture of earlier, although I have to say I'm completely in love with the blue/grey with contrasting cuffs and belt, as shown for view A. I also have some navy blue and white polka dot, that may work, and the red accents for that would be darling. I'll have to wait until I get it, once the pattern is in my hands, inspiration just seems to flow better!

And I must, must, must make more time to sew this week; I don't want all my beautiful patterns to go to waste!

Vintage Success....one down, LOTS to go!

I posted a few weeks ago about a vintage sun suit I was making for Baby E, along with lots, and lots, and lots, of projects I intend to finish before our much-anticipated vacation at the end of March. I've been trying, and trying to find time for my sewing, but lately it has been difficult to fit it in to my ever-busy schedule. Tonight James had a late soccer game, so I was able to do some of my other chores, like making more Crunchy Mama soap for my etsy shop while he napped. I was so close to being finished with the sun suit, I only needed to do the dreaded buttonholes, and of course the normal hand-sewing and trimming thread duty that I despise. So here, at long last, is the finished 1955 sun suit; with shaky atrocious buttonholes! Fortunately, I found adorable buttons with anchors on them to lend a nautical air, and to hopefully disguise my usual wretched buttonholeing when the suit is worn this summer! I loved this pattern, straightforward, simple instructions, and a new twist, a technique I've never encountered before; flat-fell seams, where instead of sewing the side seams with right sides together, which makes a seam allowance on the inside; you sew the side seams wrong sides together, then on the right side, trim one of the seam allowances, then lap the other allowance over it, making a clean line, then top-stiching over all. I love to learn new (old) techniques, that's what makes vintage sewing so interesting, you never know what kind of instructions you may find, and it challenges your skills as a seamstress.

Also, I am at this moment, defying my self-imposed curfew, but since James is out playing a soccer game, and it is a weekend, I decided that it was allowable! No pumpkin-ing for me! I hope to be productive while I have this little opportunity, and perhaps even sleep in just a bit in the morning!

The greatest thing since...

I've recently been trying to find ways to stretch my grocery budget even further. I've always been very thrifty, but because of the state of the economy in the last few years, I've had a need to keep my grocery budget the same, while at the same time joyfully expanding our family...twice! It was this need to keep costs down that led me to learn the art of soap making; and we all know how that turned out! I also cloth diaper and use cloth wipes, make my own soap (obviously) as well as laundry detergent, buy in bulk, make everything from scratch, and pretty much do everything humanly possible to get the most out of my grocery budget while still providing my family with hearty and (I hope) yummy meals day in and day out. Recently, Elvis began to eat solids, and this has put additional strain on my poor little budget, especially since he absolutely refuses to eat the homemade baby food that I intended  to be his only food, and I'm still working on getting him to eat "regular" food, since I don't believe in giving children purees for any longer than necessary. Because at the moment I am spending something like, eeek! 10 to 20 dollars a week on baby food, I decided to start making all the bread we eat with my own little hands! I've always been an avid baker, making bread to have with dinner several times a week, but I've never felt equal to the task of providing the bread for toast and sandwiches, not to mention the bagels, hamburger buns and hot dog buns that our family uses every week. We can easily go through a loaf of sliced bread a day, and although I shop at a bread "thrift" store, at an extremely reduced cost, it is still triple the cost of homemade bread, and of course, not nearly as delicious. My favorite recipe only uses one pound of flour, and a nominal amount of yeast and salt; costing only 25 cents per loaf, a far cry from the price of bread in stores. It will take some getting used to, since we are all used to eating sandwiches on uniformly sliced, abnormally soft-crusted commercial bread, which as a bonus is filled with sugar or high-fructose corn syrup, dough conditioners and preservatives, and a huge amount of sodium compared to homemade. Before they "invented" pre-sliced bread, people were used to eating toast or a sandwich on a thick, rugged slice of bread, and thought nothing of it. I hope that in my family at least, we can go back to blithely eating a hunk of bread without complaint!

Peppermint Mocha and Patterns Galore!

I have had a crazy busy week year; and have been really stressed about getting all these gorgeous patterns resized and made into garments. I hate to be stressful about things I really love, but when you have a house, five children, an etsy shop, and mountains of laundry; it's hard to fit anything in, especially if it's "just for me". I went to my favorite fabric store these weekend, and in the bargain bin found some great quality, spring-y fabric on clearance plus 50% off! So I ended up paying $2 a yard for the great linen blend, and $1.50 a yard for the adorable rayon blend pink and white check. I also had to figure out what material to use for the pattern resizing, and since I'm cheap, I gulped and bought three yards of a product with one-inch grids printed on it for $1.99 a yard. I'm not totally sold, I wish I could have just bought a roll of butcher paper or something, although I'm finding the grids are very handy. I'm also finding that although I'm a fairly advanced sewer, the whole pattern concept does not come easy to me. I read an article about pattern resizing, but I must say I'm not totally convinced that method works. It's the whole "the-leg-bone-connected-to-the-thigh-bone" thing that I keep messing up on, it's hard for me to comprehend how when I adjust one piece, it affects several other pieces. I hope I erred on the side of largeness with the black and white I have cut out, or make it work somehow if I haven't. I also had plenty of fabric left over to cut out a 1956 sun suit for Elvis. In the pattern envelope was some notes someone had written to themselves on a piece of scrap paper which was the back a political donation request letter; so funny to find these original musings of a housewife somewhere who presumably made this very sun suit for her baby boy, who is by now a grandfather! That's why I love sewing vintage so much, it's a connection to the past like nothing else. My next project is my hard-won swimsuit pattern, the coral-y red in the center is the famous authentic vintage rayon, which I received this week from http://etsy.com/shops/vintagetreasurehuntn it's so gorgeous and lightweight, perfect for a vintage swimsuit! I had to laugh when I compared the pattern piece for the bra top, which is a girls (juniors) size to my ample bust line; there is going to be a whole lot of resizing going on there! The piece that is supposed to represent half the bra top is basically the size of a dinner napkin; by the time I'm done with it, it'll be unrecognizable! The rest of the patterns I bought will be fairly easy, most are close to my size and are things like skirts and shorts, which just need to be widened, and a house dress which is just four pieces plus sleeves, belted. I'm so excited to get going on all this...if I only had a spare day or two!

Vintage pattern heaven!

Whew! I've had a really busy week, several new orders from my etsy shop (Yay) and <drum roll please>, my vintage patterns from Vintage Core Patterns arrived! http://www.vintagecorepatterns.com It was so exciting, I love vintage patterns, but I've never had such a wealth of vintage goodness at once! I love looking through them marveling at how this little envelope full of tissue paper has survived for 50+ years, and how it's a time capsule to how my counterparts lived, once upon a time. The fancy antiques never move me, when I go to an antique store I love to look at the unopened beauty products and magazines, the minutia of life; what life is all about. I think that is why I love vintage patterns so much. It's not an interpretation or a reproduction of what women wore, it's the real deal, with priceless fabric suggestions that allow you to truly recreate an outfit. I also received as a gift from Maggie a wonderful dress pattern; factory folded; such an amazing gift! I'm also trying to do better at balancing my new interests with my family life, therefore, after this post I am going to "close up shop" and spend some time with my poor husband over California burgers!

Glasses are just an excuse to wear rhinestones....

I've been complaining for weeks now about the headaches I've been getting from staring at my computer screen too much. I actually am supposed to wear glasses, but a certain Dorian I know broke my glasses about two years ago, and I've been waiting until I was "qualified" by my insurance to get a new pair of frames. My philosophy is that is you're going to wear glasses, you should wear glasses, so I've been looking around for a pair to make me feel less blah about wearing them. I just haven't found anything unblah-worthy. I have a picture in my head of what I want, but finding them in my price range has been impossible. I was chatting with my cousin today about her awesome vintage-y glasses; that she got at SEARS, no less! and she suggested buying vintage frames. Honestly, it never occurred to me! I knew, of course, that people buy and sell vintage frames all the time, but assumed that since obviously my insurance won't cover them, that it would be impossible for me. Well, I was looking on etsy, and lo and behold found the perfect, beautiful, MAUVE frames WITH RHINESTONES, at such a reasonable price! I still have to check with my eye doctor to see if he's willing to put insurance-covered lenses in 55 year old frames...trifles! I'm so thrilled, I get to have my cake and eat it too! Rhinestones and good vision! What a lucky gal!http://www.etsy.com/listing/37714989/vintage-eye-glasses-1950s-horn-rimmed?utm_source=Facebook