It's Only Pain.......(Reprinted from my Facebook Wall)

After having five children; three of them with no pain medicine whatsoever; I thought I was pretty good with pain. More than good; I thought that I had pain's NUMBER. I would always say, when people asked me why on earth I would give birth to ten pound babies on an antique bed in the North End with no doctors or IV's in sight, "It's only pain, it can't hurt you". I've always been a basically healthy person, used to being able to push myself beyond what most people would consider wise; getting little sleep for days and weeks at a time was normal for me. Caffeine? Yes, please! I drank coffee and energy drinks like water, which I DIDN'T drink enough of. I'm a person who thrived on being busy and productive; and I thought it would always be easy for me.

Until a few weeks ago; when my high-octane lifestyle went kaput. I've always had headaches; some worse than others, a few even severe, but none that reduced me to the serial-puking person that couldn't even lift her head off the pillow and didn't give a flip about returning e-mails. I thought it was a brief glitch in my wiring; and went back to my "normal" routine; until I was felled with another migraine; this one worse; and so scary I ended up in the hospital getting a CT scan one fine morning at 6am. I'm claustrophobic, terribly. But I didn't even care that I was in a tube with no way out; that's how "out of it" I was. In 12 years of marriage and lots of pregnancies; James had actually never witnessed me throwing up; except for once when I was so pregnant I couldn't get to the bathroom in time (mortifying); but last Friday I was in the humbling position of throwing up in front of the hospital with a nurse AND James and whoever else watching. After that; I came home and went to bed; and knew NOTHING else that day. I've always had an "thing" with time; and wasting it; but I let a whole day and a half go by without knowing or caring what was happening; or where my children were, were they eating? Did they go to school? I knew not.

I must admit; it's been scary to feel so out of control of my own body and life; I've had many days the past few weeks when I've wondered if I'll ever get back to feeling like "myself", or whether I would have to drastically change my life so that all the things I've worked so hard for would have to go by the wayside. It's been a hard few weeks. Today while I was driving to my acupuncture appointment I was remembering the last time I was there; when my only health "concern" was an overdue baby Elvis. How laughable that seems now! How little did I realize that the few hours of intense pain followed by the birth of a baby is NOTHING compared to the earth shattering and unchanging pain of a migraine; that reduces you to a being that cares about nothing except getting relief; where all your hopes and desires go down the drain. After seeing my doctor; he seemed convinced that my relatively recent lack of sleep, coupled with stress and my propensity with getting headaches normally; compounded by my anxiety over getting more migraines; led to more migraines. So, armed with a prescription for migraine medicine; and some recommendations for a few lifestyle changes; hopefully will rid me of this awful affliction. Just knowing that there's nothing seriously wrong with me has helped a bit, and I'm hoping that making positive changes to my life will be enough; I don't like to be tethered to medication, and I'm hoping it's just a stop-gap method until I get my strength back.

"As God is my witness, I'll never have a headache again!'

Follow Your Bliss

Hello readers! I can't believe how much I've been neglecting my poor blog of late; I've been so busy with summertime activities and custom orders for weddings; I hardly know what to think!

Anyway, I recently had an interesting exchange with a group of my online friends; and wanted to share some of my thoughts and realizations from this discussion. It began as a show of encouragement and support for a person who was feeling bad about herself; when faced with trouble with her schooling; she was in her early 20's and had yet to receive her degree; having a year or so of college yet to complete. She was feeling "less than", compared to her siblings; who are all enrolled in a prestigious college; and who felt that they were superior to her because of this.

Now friends, this is where I come in....rightly or wrongly; this has been a hot-button issue for me since I was college age. I've been on my own since I was 17, when I had my first little apartment and a full-time job. I made $9 a hour back then, which was pretty darn good for a 17 year old in those days. Since I was on my own; college was not really an option; and honestly, I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to do with my life. I've always known exactly what I wanted; to do what I'm doing now. Later, when I moved to San Diego, I considered going to community college; even requesting my transcripts from the correspondence school where I got my diploma. However, life had other plans! All throughout my time as a SAHM, family members and others have asked about my education plans; encouraging me to attain a degree so that I would have "something to fall back on". There's nothing wrong with with being cautious; and I know of some people that have had tragedy befall them and really needed that degree to support their family. I don't discount that view; but I also don't believe in making decisions based in fear; and for me; I would just be going through the motions; as I have no plans on a career that would require a degree. Taking time away from my family to do something I don't want to do; just because I "should", is not my idea of a good plan. I also know of many women in my situation that feel foolish expressing that they're a SAHM. For them, their view of themselves is shaped by their educational status, and in some areas, and in some social groups, it's simply unacceptable to be "just" a Mom; and so they feel pressured to be pursuing a degree in order than when their children start school, they will presumably be able to start a lucrative career. I have a confession to make: when my children go to school; I will not go "back to work". In fact; I can't imagine EVER being an employee of another person again in my lifetime. At this point; even if tragedy were to befall me; as has happened to those I've heard of; I would still be able to raise my children while being at home. That is very important to me; and we've set up our life to allow that to happen. I can imagine my soap business growing over the years; and when my children are in school, and when I become an empty Nester, I will pursue that at my leisure; along with my many hobbies and interests. I don't feel defined by a career; my career is being a mom; and it will always be so. I know that is not a popular or modern attitude; I'm okay with bucking the trends; even though it may pain feminists and career woman to hear another woman say that out loud.

It seems to be one of the final frontiers of acceptable bias to conclude that pursuing a college degree is "the" way to go; and those that choose not to are foolish. I've heard before that a college degree is "the price of admission" to certain things. It's certainly true that it's the only way to attain certain career goals; I'm not denying that; but the premise that simply attending college makes one privy to the finer things in life; is simply wrong.


Prejudice is an ugly word, because of the modern connotation; but I'd like to examine the actual definition of prejudice:

"Prejudice means a strong inclination of the mind or a preconceived opinion about something or someone".

It's certainly true that everyone has biases that are ingrained in them; it's human nature to believe that the way one has done things; the way one chooses to live one's life is "better". Certainly if someone believes that there is a better way; most people would proceed differently. But what I'm talking about is the accepted premise that the higher one's educational level reaches; the better. 



I have no quibble with knowledge; and learning; my "beef" is with those that insist that sitting in a classroom for four years is more likely to result in a happy life than simply proceeding directly to the life path of one's choice; and that those who do not do so are bound to feel unsatisfied  with their lot in life. One argument I've heard is that people often regret NOT going to college; but seldom (if ever) regret going. Something similar could be said about having children; few people express the opinion that they regret having children; and many DO regret not having children. Does that mean, though, that everyone MUST have children; despite having no interest in having children; just to avoid regret down the road? That opinion would not go over well with the childless; however the non-college educated are expected to swallow the same argument. 


There's no denying however, that it's easier to become employed when one has a college degree; and that those with higher education are more likely to remain employed; it's true as well that those with college degrees make more money; and if that is important to you; certainly; college is the way to go. But education has no bearing on "following your bliss" something that I think is the MOST important consideration in any life. Would I be in the life I'm in now; if I had followed the common mold of graduation followed immediately by college? Certainly not. There are many, I'm sure; who would not consider my life to be ideal; fortunately, I'm not one of them! I wish for everyone; that it was more acceptable to take the road less traveled if necessary; in order to follow THEIR bliss; regardless of the opinions of others. If your dream in life is to be in a prestigious college; and positively PAPER the wall with degrees; that's wonderful; and I cheer you on! However, for those are doing things because they're "supposed to", because of family expectations; I think that's sad. Everyone does things daily they'd rather not do; and many jobs supply things besides fulfillment; and that's one thing. But to pour your heart and soul into something you're not passionate about is a waste of a life. A job can be many things; a means to and end, certainly; but my hope for all is that they are able to pursue something that doesn't feel like work; that is enjoyable and fulfilling, all on it's own. I'm not advocating moving into the wilderness and becoming a mountain man (or woman); and I believe education is very important, and critical for brain development especially in children. I'm a very well-read person; who tries to soak up information; I simply maintain that there are many ways to gain knowledge.


For myself; I don't find my life to be wasted because I will very likely never achieve a fabulous career; when I'm old and grey I would hope I can look back on my life and say, at the very least, "I did it my way". 


I hope I haven't alienated my learned readers (if I have any....who knows whether the well-heeled would really want to read all my ramblings); I hope I've outlined a balanced approach both pro and con a traditional education. And it is my hope that everyone could be more accepting of those that are different than them; that is the reason for my post today, that we can all begin to see the value in lifestyles different than ours. 

I'm off to a day trip tomorrow with my boys; which I will blog about when I return; hopefully after a great adventure! 

Happy Thursday!