Every little girl dreams of her Cinderella story...at least I did, but I was a terribly predictable and traditional little girl who carried dolls around swaddled in blankets and dreamed of the day I would have my own real babies. I remember drawing dress designs for my wedding, which I thought would be a lavish affair, with bridesmaids in alternating jewel-tones of ROYAL purple and SAPPHIRE blue.
When I actually did get married, some (but not nearly enough) years later, it was actually a modest affair at a community center that had horrible orange plastic chairs and wood paneling, and my two bridesmaids wore WHITE dresses that didn't even match. It was actually a potluck of Italian food and I remember thinking, upon seeing the black and white paper plates provided by someone instead of the SILVER paper plates I had picked out....."oh well". That "oh well" was the first of many adult decisions/concessions I ever made. I wish I could say I've always been so accommodating, but I have to say; I have not!
A perfectionist by nature, it has always been hard for me to give up the "dream" in anything. I have a wild imagination and probably romanticize even the smallest things; to the point that I often get disappointed when the reality doesn't live up. I think women are particularly prone to this. We are the nurturers, the planners. When things don't go the way they "should", we feel it.
Lately, I've felt at a crossroads in my life. No longer a little fledgling family trying to make our way, James and I are at the stage where we are bogged down with bills and responsibilities, with a preteen son and all that that entails. The dream I had at the beginning of our life together has seemed so distant, it has made me doubt myself. Every fairy tale ends with the dashing Prince kissing the Princess, but they simply DO NOT show what comes next! Probably because a mortgage, car repairs, homework, after school sports, and trips to Costco ain't so very pretty.
Now, I am nearly 32, but my overly imaginative nature causes me to think of myself still as the Princess in the fairy tale, and being expected to carry on a business, a home, AND have a child almost as tall as me has not been easy to adjust to. After many, many, many long heart-to-hearts with James (who is as logical as I am illogical, thank goodness) I feel much better about the way my life is heading. I'm learning to see the beauty in THIS part of my life, though I still don't like not knowing what happens NEXT, and what my life will be like in 10 or 20 years. It will always be my nature to fantasize about the dream vacation to the picturesque cabin in the woods, where the BEST quilt on the planet will keep us warm at night...and that's ok. My way brings beauty and joy, too. But I'm staying much more grounded now and learning to love being the chaotic mess of a jumble of humanity that is our family <3
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