Those first few weeks were an adjustment for us all; it was hard to have no schedule; for me as well. I remember thinking to myself, "Enjoy this! It won't last!". I truly tried to enjoy it; but this summer I found myself busy and distracted much of the time; having my own business and being a new work at home mom was challenging at times. We had plenty of downtime, though; or at least the boys did. They rode bikes; played in the yard; asked for Popsicles; and had a good time.
As June turned into July we finally got some hot weather; and I started taking more time off; it didn't seem fair to work the summer away; and so I planned some fun adventures for us. I reveled in having my boys to myself; and having the freedom to go where we wanted to go; although looking back I wish I had taken that opportunity more often.
When August began; I felt a sense of foreboding; it's truly my least favorite month of the year; my birthday falls at the end of August; and it has always seemed a sad time of endings to me. I stepped up my efforts to simply "be" with my boys; and knew that I would soon be counting down the days until the summer was over. Now it's August 29th; my 31st birthday and the day before my boys leave me again; and I'm reflecting on the year that summer finally began to have meaning for me. It was 2005; my 25th birthday; and my oldest boy Andrew was starting kindergarten. Up until then; I had simply gone with the seasons as everyone without children in school does; never feeling any particular difference from school starting. I was 7 months pregnant with Callan; and had a 2 year old Bentley besides; I remember taking that first school picture of Andrew's and knowing that life was about to change. Now; 6 years later; Callie is starting kindergarten and my Andrew is going off to the big unknown of Middle School; I can hardly believe it. I know that I will be an emotional wreck inside as he goes off by himself to the bus stop; but I will have to bear it somehow.
And then later; I'll be sending my Callan off to be a big boy. Since his birthday is in November; I truly felt that I had an extra year with him; and it's making it even harder for me to give him up to a teacher. Somehow; Dorian; Elvis and I will have to muddle through our day without our boys! Now all that's left is to make a few more memories before school; we're having our long-awaited "bee party" and I hope I will manage to keep a dry eye for at least part of the day.
I've always felt the changing of the seasons acutely; and remember feeling a sense of loss as the last days of summer slipped away; and this has only been made more significant by having my own boys. I know that there are many more great days to be had before Winter takes hold; and I'm hoping to gain this perspective in the weeks to come. I must say; dealing with being solidly established in my 30's as of today is making it difficult for me to see anything positive about this time of the year!
Summer, don't go!
I'm on the verge of tears. I remember the day my oldest went off to school and then 5 years later the twins. Now my oldest, Tom is in his 2nd year of college and Sam & Alex have entered the ominous High School. I have more trepidation than any of them each time they progress to a new level. The older they get the less they need me. For me that is the hardest thing. The thing to remember is that they are growing into happy young men.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy your Birthday and all of those boys!
So glad you had a nice summer with your boys! It can be hard to divide your time between the things you want to do, need to do, have to do, should do. and so on. I suppose it all works out in the end as long as you are happy. Happy Birthday!
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog and I am loving it! I am sorry you are sad your boys are going back to school- I understand how fun it can be having them around. I have two boys of my own and when they go to school I look around the house and wonder what to do without them. Then a vacation comes and I have my house full of kids and I wonder when the peace of school will happen! LOL!
ReplyDeleteThanks doll,
The Glamorous Housewife
Thanks so much ladies; and thanks to my followers who've stuck around while I neglected my blog as much as my laundry room! I totally agree that there are good and bad things about summer AND the rest of the year; for me; even during the school year I still have plenty of little ones; and the increased burden of driving to and fro; so I never REALLY get a break; maybe I'll like school better when I start getting peace and quiet!
ReplyDelete