Those first few weeks were an adjustment for us all; it was hard to have no schedule; for me as well. I remember thinking to myself, "Enjoy this! It won't last!". I truly tried to enjoy it; but this summer I found myself busy and distracted much of the time; having my own business and being a new work at home mom was challenging at times. We had plenty of downtime, though; or at least the boys did. They rode bikes; played in the yard; asked for Popsicles; and had a good time.
As June turned into July we finally got some hot weather; and I started taking more time off; it didn't seem fair to work the summer away; and so I planned some fun adventures for us. I reveled in having my boys to myself; and having the freedom to go where we wanted to go; although looking back I wish I had taken that opportunity more often.
When August began; I felt a sense of foreboding; it's truly my least favorite month of the year; my birthday falls at the end of August; and it has always seemed a sad time of endings to me. I stepped up my efforts to simply "be" with my boys; and knew that I would soon be counting down the days until the summer was over. Now it's August 29th; my 31st birthday and the day before my boys leave me again; and I'm reflecting on the year that summer finally began to have meaning for me. It was 2005; my 25th birthday; and my oldest boy Andrew was starting kindergarten. Up until then; I had simply gone with the seasons as everyone without children in school does; never feeling any particular difference from school starting. I was 7 months pregnant with Callan; and had a 2 year old Bentley besides; I remember taking that first school picture of Andrew's and knowing that life was about to change. Now; 6 years later; Callie is starting kindergarten and my Andrew is going off to the big unknown of Middle School; I can hardly believe it. I know that I will be an emotional wreck inside as he goes off by himself to the bus stop; but I will have to bear it somehow.
And then later; I'll be sending my Callan off to be a big boy. Since his birthday is in November; I truly felt that I had an extra year with him; and it's making it even harder for me to give him up to a teacher. Somehow; Dorian; Elvis and I will have to muddle through our day without our boys! Now all that's left is to make a few more memories before school; we're having our long-awaited "bee party" and I hope I will manage to keep a dry eye for at least part of the day.
I've always felt the changing of the seasons acutely; and remember feeling a sense of loss as the last days of summer slipped away; and this has only been made more significant by having my own boys. I know that there are many more great days to be had before Winter takes hold; and I'm hoping to gain this perspective in the weeks to come. I must say; dealing with being solidly established in my 30's as of today is making it difficult for me to see anything positive about this time of the year!
Summer, don't go!
