Andrew's teacher this year was a great one; who challenged him a lot; he was a 30 year veteran of teaching; who decided halfway through the year that this would be his last year of teaching; so the last day of school had special significance for him and for the children. After handing out "diplomas" to his class; he gave a short speech; where he talked about watching Oprah's last show; which I confess I missed. He said she talked about the "Sunshine of Possibility"; about how important it is to live the life you would live if there were no practical considerations or barriers to it. He said that he felt that that was what he had done; teaching children for all these years; and it got me thinking about the sunshine of my possibility.
When I stop to think about how I would live my life if there were no practical barriers; no consideration for what I think I can't do; I imagine it being very much like my life actually is. Sure; perhaps in my dream life; there would be a bigger house; perhaps I would never need to worry about money; but the basics are the same. I would still be a mother; with the number of children I have now; having had them the way I did; and staying home with them just as I have been for the last 11 years. I think that I would be doing much the same things in my spare time as well; soapmaking; sewing, reading when I got the chance. I would still cook dinner every night; still have movie afternoons and breakfast picnics. I would probably still be too busy; too tired, and get cranky at times. I would still have babies all over my lap; embarrass my big boys and constantly yell, with no results; especially; "Get your shoes on and get in the car, we're late!".
I would probably still cry at every first day of school and last day; and never know what to make for dinner. I'd still cloth diaper and consign; and buy used DVD's and cheap paperbacks. I'd probably have a nicer espresso machine; and hopefully someone to do the laundry; but I'd still decorate and clean my own house; just not the kitchen! Maybe I'd have a better bod....but probably not; because I'd hate to waste any more of my life worrying about that! .Maybe I'd get a tummy tuck, but then again; I wouldn't because I don't believe in risking my life for vanity. I guess I'd still be me; and it's interesting to explore the things that wouldn't change, no matter what my circumstances. It's good sometimes to 'Stand in the Sunshine of Possibility", it's a good life check; to make sure your life is on the right track. I'm pleasantly surprised that despite not having ideal circumstances much of the time; I still managed to blunder my way into the possibility I would choose even if life were perfect!
What's your sunshine of possibility; and how have you achieved; or not achieved it?
Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a doctor. I used to have the little Fisher Price play set and even an alias (Dr Pinky). Then came Doogie Howser. In my tween years I started volunteering at the hospital and reading The New England Journal of Medicine. The summer after my Junior year of high school I went to a medical conference in DC. Then I went PSEO and everything kind of went down hill from there. My life got on track in a wonderfully new and unexpected way. Marriage and family life and I do NOT for a minute regret that, but there is still that little part of me that wonders WHAT IF??
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, because whenever I was asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up; I always said, "I want to be a Mom". I remember feeling almost panicky as I approached young adulthood; because I had really no interest in pursuing a secular career; and felt that I "should" know what to "be", and really, I still just wanted to be a mom. By pure happenstance, luck, or whatever; I got my dream of being a mom quite early; at 19. As I've gotten older; that's still the #1 thing I would choose to do; but I have also "found my bliss" doing other things, like sewing, and my soap business. I still do imagine doing those things when my children are grown up; and have toyed with the idea of pursuing a law degree as well. I don't feel urgency to achieve those things; when my children are grown up I will still be relatively young; this part of my life is only part of my story; God willing; there will be time to pursue those things after I've done my job of raising my boys. I don't think women (or men) should have to choose to do EITHER one or the other; I'm a stay at home mom now; I may choose to do something else later. The sad truth about being a mother is that at some point; my children will be "cooked" and my job will be over; so it's important to have other things that interest me so that I don't feel so lost when that happens.
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